Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
