I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
