Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
