Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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