Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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