plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
