That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
