i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize