First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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