just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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