Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
