He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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