i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
