One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
