Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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