Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
