a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
