They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
