He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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