So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
