who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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