I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
