The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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