Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
