She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
