Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
