Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
