We won't sleep together?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
