we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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