Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
