Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
