my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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