Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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