They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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