ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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