I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
