Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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