I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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