He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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