that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
