You just made me feel so damn special
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
