He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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