i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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