When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
