I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
