Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
