I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
