So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
