I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
