Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize