he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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