I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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