No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
