I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I enjoy the company of your penis
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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