i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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