I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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