my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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