Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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