He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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