Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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