my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize