There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
