It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
